Thank you, Jebus

Well the ghosts of Carl Pohlads past have left the building. Joe Mauer got his contract and I get to keep the MLB Extra Innings Package (If the Twins didn't retain Baby Jesus, Susan would boycott me renewing the program.). The Twins lockup their future and ensure that the 17,000 season ticket holders at Target Field won't revolt and throw batteries or something classy.

More on this tomorrow.

2010...we all get a fresh start, agian.

So game 163 ended a little bit better for the Twins last year, but being bounced in the first round of the playoffs never gives you a warm fuzzy feeling for the coming winter.

Unlike most off-seasons, the Twins were actually active during the winter months. Re-signing Carl Povano, who was a great, veteran addition to the staff last year and seemed to earn the re-sign as he pitched fairly well the 2nd half of 2009.

Orlando Hudson was the first step in eliminating Nick Punto from the lineup, giving us probably the most established 2nd basemen we've had since Chuckie. Also, having an always there number 2 hitter will only benefit the rest of the lineup, most importantly the M&M Boys following him and Span, who finally gets some protection behind him. This could enhance the bunting/stealing/station to station game of the Twins, and essentially gives us two lead off men at the top. Both possess above average contact ability and excellent speed to swipe a couple bases and beat out those infield hits. Which will be interesting to see how that changes on real grass.

Now here come the head scratchers. Jim Thome? Really a 40 year old left handed bat? Really? Why didn't we get Ken Griffey Jr instead? Don't think that Edgar Martinez is busy either. Doesn't Dave Winfield still live in the cities? Ok, that horse is dead.

Speaking of dead horses, they really had to go ahead and sign Jesse Crain again didn't they. He's good for about a 9.33 ERA and a 5+ WHIP. Guy is horrible. Although I generally leave the personal bodily harm jabs to Doc, I hope he slips in the shower and strangles himself on his necklace collection.

Things that make you go, "What the fuck?"
Why is Mauer not signed yet? Why is Danny Valencia still going to start the year at Rochester? Why do they continue to have to order Punto's jerseys from mlb.com in the personalized children's section? (Wonder what they did last year when Majestic went on strike?) I'm sure I could go on and on here...but class period is drawing to an end.

Has this happened before??? Ever?

Honestly, I have never, ever heard or seen a team win three freakin games back to back to back on flipping walk off hits/homeruns. I have never been so frustrated with a streak of games. And it is so hard to pick one aspect to point out. Gardy is retardy. Bullpen is wow. Clutch hitting took the A train out of town. I can't remember how many times we had 1st and 3rd one out, 1st and 2nd no body out, shit even bases loaded with none or one out and can't muster a freakin run. Its like we get to Gomez and Punto and just say forget it. We'll just move on to the next inning. Christ. Whatever. Well maybe playing on ESPN tonight will change things, just hope that Gary Thorne is working the game. I swear, if Thorne, Buck Martinez and Vince Scully ever called a game together, I might die. Throw Bert in there as a field reporter and it would just make my lifetime, for sure.

The Curse is known by a single name: Punto

So the shit bag appeared in the Twins' first 27 games, and there were 3 games under .500 and 5 games back in the Central. Insert Brendan Harris, the Twins reel off two in a row and score 20 freakin runs. Harris is more than capable in the field and is the Bizzarro-Punto at the plate. His numbers are almost, shit they are, better than Punto's in 5 less games and 19 less at bats. Still think that with Tolbert at 2nd, Harris at short and "oh my aching hamstring" Crede at 3rd, the Twinks put a solid defensive unit on the field.

Just get that fuck out of the line up, Gardy. Stop being stubborn and honoring the old guard, get that shit out the game. While you're at it, make a goddamn decision in the outfield. Either play Gomez and take your lumps or ship his ass to Rochester to grow up and get some experience. I get it, he has the tools and athleticism to be in the bigs, but he has got to bet more consistant everywhere. In the seat next to him, throw Mijares--he'd better pack a big lunch, he'll be there for a while. 3 times he's been put in and failed to get the lefties out. And I still am dumbfounded the Dickey is still with the team. Who has a fuckin knuckleballer as a relief pitcher? Note to Bill Smith; Send back Duensing and Humber please and soon.

WTF Twins?...Again...

So this is like going to bar on Friday night and pulling a hottie and then going back on Saturday night to come home with a sea donkey. How can you seriously live on both ends of the spectrum so close together? Alexi Casilla might be the worst baseball player on the team right now. Seriously. He would have better luck trying to lean into one rather than swing at it. And I disagree with Russell, no way could Tolbert be playing this bad in Rochester.

I feel so much better today...

Finally. Frankie goes 7 1/3 giving up only 1 earned run. Guerrier didn't completely blow up and Casilla was even able to get a couple rbis--still swinging a sultry .163 guh. Cuddy is seeing the ball extremely well right now and Baby Jesus actually had an off night, even striking out twice. The only bad part of the night was Jerry White taking one off the inside of the right foot, but he is a gamer, he'll be back tonight. Well knock on wood, let's get one more here tonight.

I have been putting this off...

It has been a hellacious week, thusly the lack of posting. The Twinks ended the first month of play under achieving in some eyes, but managing in others, going 11-11 without (and this is the greatest nickname ever via Down with Goldy) Baby Jesus. This group could have achieved much more if Gardy hadn't been inspecting his own colon for the past month. Let's run down the list of what should be done here:

#1 Get rid of freakin Nick Punto. He hits about as well as an old lady and fields like a teenager that is scared out of his mind, constantly going oh shit, oh shit, oh shit until he gets rid of the ball. Easiest of the positions to fix, Brendan Harris. End of discussion, moving on.

#2 Find a hole for Cuddyer to spend his Crash Davis years. You would have thought having the confidence of the idiot on the bench in you, that you will be there every day would calm you down and allow you to perform...uh apparently not. He is not carrying the stick he has in the past nor the defensive prowless from seasons past.

#3 Keep Denard Span off of the bench. If you're going to platoon in the outfield, he needs to be out there every day. Fix #1 trade problem #2. Fix #2 send Go Go down down. He needed work last year and we stuck with him, but with 4 everyday outfielders and Kuebel more than capable, we need a fix out there. Right now, Span is the best defensive one out there and best hitter.

#4 Who has taken Scott Baker and when are you bringing him back? 0-4 and let's guess about 12 home runs given up and a 9+ ERA. Ace of the staff who?

#4a What the hell has happened to Liriano? He should have won his last start if they didn't shit the bed after his first quality start of the year.

#5 The bullpen as a whole: The experiments are just not working out Mr. Smith. Dickey you really don't need a knucle baller coming out of the pen, Murillo or whatever his name was-wow Ricky Vaughn called, wants his control back, Guierrer has spent his talent-didn't take long, and Breslow looks scared as shit. Get rid of RA Dickey, especially when you don't trust him to throw his out pitch with runners on. As soon as they brought him in last night, I told the wife that we wouldn't get out of the half inning down less than 2 runs...well it was 3.

Gardy, you rode the wave of that 2002 contraction bid as far as you can. Now you actually are going to have to manage a big league ball club. If you're going to carry 3 catchers, use it the right way and keep Mauer in the lineup, everyday now that he's back. Figure out how to handle your bullpen, not sure who made the final choice (sure you had something to do with it) but Humber and Duensing are way better than Dickey and Breslow. Fix it now or send yourelf down to Rochester and see what you can do down there to get your confidence back.

Bottom line for the Twins: Get your shit together.